Maybe Im trying to see
shape, structure, where there
is none. Good morning. Glass of
ginger tea. Paper tag mangled:
a little origami nothing. Now
lets unscrunch last
Thursday. Wow, has it been a
week already?
I didnt see him, not at first,
even though he was right in
front of me, approaching. I
scanned the tables outside,
unfamiliar faces, and made to
go inside and thats when I
saw him. Quite small, very
thin, dressed in dull blues and
greys, a windbreaker. Hed
almost camouflaged into the
pavement, the drab greens and
browns of the street trees,
the grey of the evening sky. He
took up so little space that I
genuinely hadnt seen him.
I kissed both his cheeks
very almost kissed him on the
lips, internally scolded myself.
Dont know why it happened.
A little unhinged? A sense of
familiarity?
But Id already decided I
wasnt attracted to him.
Often the case with online
dating. We took a seat outside,
laying our thingsphones,
wallet, cigarettesaround a
wet lump of bird shit on the
table which he (attractively, in
hindsight) didnt fuss over.
Laid his smoked cigarettes
right beside it, actually. Hand-
rolled, no filters, brown, sad
and soggy, twisted at the end
like those tiny explosives that
kids toss at the pavement
pop
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