shary: 06/03/25 - 11:42:11 Episode 1
Me: goaaaaaaa *I shouted, and threw the slip
away*
Me: I don make am, God punish village people *I
ran around and threw my ancient Nokia 200 that
rubber band is helping it to survive*
Papa Jo: and who is that unscrupulous riffraff
pollutant, polluting the entire compound with his
explosive smelling mouth? *Incase you don’t know
papa Jo, he is the grammatical bruhahaha of our
compound, his grammars has sent many people to
early hospitalization*
Me: God don butter my bread, em pick me from
gutter then baf me well.. I don win five hundred
thousand naira *I shouted and jumped up, Papa Jo
eyeglass fell off from his face*
Papa Jo: you mean am? *He asked in shock*
Me: swears, on God.
Papa Jo: you remember that money you dey owe
me, give me am? *I eyed him*
Me: matcheeewww.. *I hissed and picked my slip,
removed my sim card from the wretched phone
and ped it on the floor, and bounced jeje*
That Evening I was feeling restless, o boy. Even my
own room can’t contain me, as I was perceiving
poverty all over the room. I waka go the yard
corner go feel myself, I sighted Biggy my paddy
paddy.
Biggy: iffa no get money I get where to borrow
nairaland *he sang as he ran towards me*
Me: Biggy your nigga don blow, I go shut down this
street
Biggy: I no believe when I hear the news, I come
say my see am with my korokoro eyes. As I see
you dey shine 54teeth na em I believe oh
Me: on God, the slip enter like magic. Man u for don
cut am Sha.. I no know who give Mouriho small
sense em come use am swap Ashley Young wey
no wan old upon say em be 32 commot.
Biggy: we thank God, corner me 2k na, my take am
hold myself, later we go shut down mama Tutu
pepper soup joint
Me: hope say no be the money wey I win, na you
dey embezzle as government fund oh.
Biggy: na which money again na, see… I dey lap
you later, my go collect quickie from my babe. My
sp*rm dey overflow
Me: give the girl belle and you no go ever see sun
again, you know say her father na police officer?
Biggy: na police officer daughter p*ssy dey sweet
pass, because it is always tight. Guy, condom still
dey market, if Kiss finish I enter Gold cycle.
Me: I don warn you, my guy *We shook hands
and he left*
I was still thinking on which shop I’ll rent or what to
do with 500k, that was the first time in my entire
life that I own such money. So my reasoning was
working extraordinarily.
When Omalicha came out to pour water, it was
already dark then. I use to call her Slay, the girl can
slay for Africa with her iPhone.
I use to call her albino because she fine and fair like
mammy water, she follow for those kind girls
Marlins go say aunty set well.
I no dull myself, I don toast this babe before, I used
Shakespeare lines and sang like Celine Dion for her
before she agreed to date me with terms and
conditions.
That I’ll wash her dirty pants and bras for three
Months before I’ll kiss her, and I’ll have to wash for
a whole year before I’ll access her p*ssy.
My village elders will shout “aru”
My village women will call me “woman wrapper”
And those village people that are enemies of
progress will laugh and celebrate, from that day
henceforth I killed the Satan that was pushing me
to make Albino my girlfriend.
Albino: Vic boo *I looked around me*
Me: na me you dey call?
Albino: yes na, you know I love you so much *she
came close and started rubbing my body with her
clothed boobs, she wasn’t wearing bra. I started
smiling like roasted goat*
Me: I no know na
Albino: from the time I sight my eyes on you, I fell
in love with you and broke my legs *she grabbed
my sleeping amu through the fabric, it rises like
angry lion*