The Last Laugh
Sophia told herself to remember it. Distill it, cast it
in amber to trace tomorrow. Shed want to be
back here, in the prologue, the calm before the
storm and her clothes still dry - thered be tears in
the morning. So she remembered. The crackle in
her car speakers, the tinkle of her keys against her
thigh. The sky glowering, fervour thick in the air,
electric, just waiting for him to touch her before it
sparked. The steering wheel smooth as it rolled
through her grip, turning her onto Blackmore Street
and into the speckled glow of the fairy lights
woven into the pubs balcony.
This was her favourite part. The beginning. The
tryst sprawled ahead of her before she crashed
into the ending. Sophia reached for her phone,
turned off her location. Shed told the girls she was
staying in, saving money. Bella and Fiona were
inside the pub. Chloe was having Chinese with her
family.
Shed hoped hed message. Part of her knew he
would. Theyd figured it out by now, it was easier
this way.
Outside xx she typed. Held her breath, hit send.
A couple stumbled outside and she slunk into her
seat. Killed the headlights. But they were too
caught up in each other and the rain misting to
notice. Sophia gulped. What must it feel like? To
sway like that in the lamplight, gripping his wrists
as they awaited a ride?
She wouldnt know.
The distant sky grumbled, clouds alight with pulses
of white. The hairs on the back of her neck stood
straight, whether static or cold or fear she wasnt
sure, but she stared down the pubs stable-style
doors and telepathically begged Linc to hurry up.
She cursed as a jolt of thunder rumbled through
the inky night. She wasnt scared of storms, per se.
Maybe just what they left behind. A fresh branch
of lightning snickered that it was closing in. She
braced for more thunder but startled as her phone
vibrated in her lap.
coming x
She tried biting down a smile but failed. A glow
spread from her cheeks and melted into her chest.
She knew it was temporary. Maybe that made it
sweeter. She told herself to remember it, the way
he swaggered down the steps, his casual, upward
nod as he spotted her, that damn half-smile
blurred by the rains trailing the windscreen.
More lightning shattered the night and for a
moment it aligned with his footsteps. The gleam in
his eyes as he slunk into shotgun was all too
electric and she knew her heart wasnt supposed
to be beating this fast but there was a turbulence
to this, to him, that she couldnt help surrendering
herself to.
Hey. He smiled. Didnt lean over the console. He
never did.
Hi. She couldnt look him in the eye, not yet. The
street lights lit up the car too much and someone
might see her tremoring hands. Good night?
Sophia pulled the gearstick into drive as Lincoln
clicked his seatbelt, the rain hardening as they
headed south.
Yeah, pretty good. Busy as.
She glanced at him. He ran a hand through damp
brown hair.
You didnt want to stay? Her voice pitched higher.
She knew the answer but she wanted to hear him
say it.
He laughed, their eyes locking before hers darted
back to the glistening road. Better things to do.
She bit her lip then glanced at her phone aglow in
her lap.
Chloe.
Going pub after all Can pick you up omw if you
wanna join xx
A lightning bolt demanded her attention to the
windscreen and she swerved, the white lines back
to where they should be.
You good? Linc laughed.
Will the boys be out all night? Sophias voice
shook. She knew hed get it.
He reached over, patted her thigh. Dont stress.
We got plenty of time.
If only.
So she told herself to remember. Warm, sweaty.
Tentative. His handprint tattooed, invisible ink, on
her leg. Shed peel back the bandage and pat it
bleary-eyed in the morning. But right now she
gulped and steadied her eyes ahead. Peeled off
onto McLaren Road, the bush thickening as the
streetlights thinned. She knew the way now.
They hummed down the driveway to Lincs
sharehouse. His truck twinkled on the gravel and
he swore at the rain as they ran shivering for the
porch. Hed just washed the bloody thing. Sophias
laugh was a melody with the jangle of his keys as
he fumbled for the lock with one hand, and
pressed his other into the small of her back. Now
they were safe. Now it was real.
Floorboards creaked as they walked and she
flinched at the overhead light. But it was okay. No
one could see them here.
She flicked a reply to Chloe.
mum xx
Her stomach blackened with guilt. Then she
switched her phone to do not disturb.
Beer bottles littered the counter. Brown liquid
leaked from a can across the carpet. The sink
overflowed with dishes and potato chips crunched
under her shoe as she followed Linc to the fridge.
She cringed a little but shook it away as he met
her eyes.
Aha, sorry. Me and the boys got carried away
before we left. He scratched the back of his neck.
Then he fixed her a water.
Its okay. She smiled. Their fingers brushed as she
took the glass, then a step closer. Thunder growled
outside and she reckoned it was right over them
now. Lights flickered. His hands cupped her
shoulders and he gazed down at her. She almost
ped the glass. A look she couldnt quite place
in those king tide eyes. Grey, churning, sucking her
back into the swell. She quivered as he leaned in,
eyes ping to her lips, and right then she
decided she was okay with drowning. Sophia
slipped more and more each time she was here,
so she held tighter and tighter, gripping the back of
his neck as he closed the space between them.
She was sure then, as a thrash of lightning totally
blew the lights. He was the storm.
She shivered as he broke from her, startled.
No one will see us now, he chuckled, rubbing her
head.
She pushed him away in jest. This was your plan
all along, hey?
Yeah, yeah. You got me.
The tin roof roared with rain and Lincoln swiped on
his phone torch. Then he took her hand and he
kissed her again, laughing into her lips as he led
her down the hall.
***
Sophias cheek rose and fell with his chest as she
laid atop him, his skin sweet with sweat. His
heartbeat warmed her face, a steady tempo,
unlike hers rattling against his belly. He tousled her
waves and she cast that in amber, too. She
shouldve told him to stop - bleach blonde strands
in his bed were a dead giveaway - but instead she
told herself to remember the softness of his hands,
his husky chuckle as his fingers caught in a knot
and she rolled her eyes that it was all his fault.
Was this what it felt like in the eye of a cyclone?
That blissful reprieve from the turmoil, this cocoon
of just the two of them?
No one else knew what it felt like. Not even
Chloe. How could he possibly have felt this with
Chloe? It galvanised it, somehow, the way it all
culminated in knowing glances and grazed hands
and relieved sighs when they finally kissed - how
could it ever feel like this with anyone else?
She knew the guilt would jolt her awake in the
morning. Chloe had loved him first, after all. But
surely it counted for something that Sophia loved
him more.
She knew the cold would settle in tomorrow. The
debris would hollow her chest, filling the silence
until his next lonely midnight. But right now they
were laughing, and he laced their fingers as she
rolled off him and into his navy sheets. Maybe she
could have the last laugh, after all. Even if Chloe
didnt hear it. Maybe they could stay like this
forever and Sophia wouldnt have to tell herself to
remember.
The rain drummed the roof as they laid there,
breathing slowed now. Moonlight beamed onto
illicit hands still locked, like some kind of futile
prayer for their clandestine love affair. A
kookaburra laughed by the window, louder than
the wind through the gums and the thunder still
rolling. Sophias spine shivered. He traced her arm
with his free hand.
Where do you think birds go in a storm? she
whispered. The question slipped before she could
stop herself. She was always doing this. Last time
she rambled about health insurance.
He adjusted his neck, looking down at her as she
lay in the crook of his arm and chest.
Ive never thought about it.
But where would you go? Everywhere is outside.
He drew a breath as if pondering it. Id find you.
Youd take me in. He squeezed her hand and
thank god they were both staring at the ceiling or
hed have seen her scrunch her nose and smile.
She remembered it.
Oh would I? she quipped.
You couldnt help yourself. The kookaburra
laughed again and lightning flashed through the
window. She ed into his body and he kissed
the top of her head. She remembered it.
Do you know why kookaburras laugh? he
murmured into her hair. She shook her head
against his chest. I googled it last week.
Ha. Go on then, Attenborough.
Theyre signalling their territory.
She craned her neck to look at him. Really?
Yep. Theyre like, hey mate, this heres mine.
Like you laughing in your Hilux.
Shut up.
Thunder cracked again and, as if sensing her tense,
he tightened his hold on her.
Do you think the power will be out all night? she
whispered.
Probably. Linc yawned. You know what this
towns like. There was a lull to his voice and her
stomach ped. Sleep was closing in, cornering
them into the inevitable fast forward to morning,
and the sickening clench in her lungs when she
awoke to his bare back. He traced her arm slower
now. She scrambled, clawed at anything to freeze
him in the present before he melted merely into
memory. She wanted to kiss him, but she couldnt.
They only kissed before. Not after.
But wasnt this all wrong anyways? She wasnt
supposed to be here at all, so what did it matter?
There were no rules. Shed made sure of that.
Chloes tearstained face flashed in her mind but
she shook it away. Shed be wading through
rubble tomorrow regardless, might as well make
the bruising worth it. So she did it unthinking,
unrueing, looked up, placed her lips sweetly on his.
That woke him up. If not another thunderclap
rattling the window. It was howling out there now
but all she heard was the laugh in his throat as he
said what was that for?
She shrugged.
Youre cute, he murmured, pulling her back atop
him.
You think?
He nodded, his eyes alight in the moon-sliver
through the blinds. His hands warmed her back
and she wished hed trace his name down her
spine. She hated herself but she couldnt help
smiling. Laughing, even, at the absurdity of it all.
She was here. Not Chloe, bottled in her oblivion at
home, mulling over the same old memories of Linc
while he etched new ones into Sophias skin. She
didnt want to hurt Chloe. That was the whole
point, of the hushed conversations across car
consoles, of the kisses rain-checked for midnight
kitchens. The guilt rising like bile in her throat
every dawn she fled from here. But wasnt Sophia
allowed to want something for herself? Even if this
was all it was?
You okay? Linc said. He tucked a wave behind
her ear and she leaned into his palm, gripped his
wrist with two hands.
Yeah, she half-smiled. Told herself to remember
his brows furrowed in the moonlight. She leaned
down. Kissed him again. He kissed her back and
she was right, there were no rules here. Eyes
closed, he pulled her closer and the kookaburra
laughed and the rain poured and they smiled into
each others lips until lightning flared and thunder
splintered the room. The house shook. Sophia
yelped in fright and broke from him and their
breathing fell out of sync. He reached out, touched
her cheek. But the momentd fractured. She
imagined a bruise spilling across her back beneath
his hands, branching out at jarred angles and
spidering up to meet another blotched on her
neck.
Soph? Linc gazed up at her and she placed it
then. That look. Hunger. You good?
She nodded fast. Her gut swirled, off kilter, but it
wasnt guilt this time. He leaned up to kiss her
again but she shook her head.
Sorry I- Her hands trembled. I dont know, I
just-
Its okay, we dont have to.
No, I want to. Her voice cracked. She inhaled but
then there was a hum in the hall and the heater
kicked in. Light peeked under his bedroom door.
Its back, he smiled. Sophia sat on his tummy,
blinking. You sure youre okay?
I just wish this was- she hiccupped a moment,
rolled off him and onto her back. I wish it was
easier.
He sat up on his elbows. He wasnt going to sleep,
for sure now. Shed said too much. Shed been so
careful all these months. If he didnt know she
loved him, he couldnt not love her back. But the
deluge outside had stirred something in her,
tumultuous, muddied the pit in her chest that told
her these sacred nights were enough. That she
was enough, for this. For him, in this capacity at
least.
What do you mean? He grabbed her hands,
squeezed them. She remembered it.
Its just hard.
What? This? He kissed her knuckles as if to prove
otherwise. She remembered it.
She shouldnt have said anything. Shouldve left it
as it was. But shed let the rain in now and he laid
there drowning in it, wide eyed. Lightning ruptured
the dark again and thunder pierced her chest,
cracking her open.
Its so hard. How is it so hard, when its not even
supposed to be real?
He rubbed the back of her hand. She remembered
it.
You know we cant.
I know, I know, I just-its not fair.
On you, or Chloe? A look she hadnt seen before
glazed his eyes, just for a moment. Sophias spine
stiffened. She gulped. She knew.
You still have feelings for her. Her voice cracked.
Linc sighed. Its not that simple, Soph.
You do, dont you?
He reached for her hand again but she ped it.
I messed up with her, okay? But it doesnt mean I
dont like hanging out with you.
As what? A consolation prize?
No, come on, Soph. You know me better than
that.
She shook her head. Held her fists to her chest as
if to shield it.
We both knew where this was going, he
whispered. He shook his head, ran a hand through
his hair.
I know, I know, she was whimpering now,
blinking hard, defeated. Did she even have the
right to cry? But I-
Drunken laughter cut her off. Stammered down
the hall, louder as the front door slammed open
and shut. Soph and Linc bolted upright. Pulled the
sheets to their chests, turned to each other,
mouths agape and eyes wide.
You said we were safe she hissed.
I thought we were
Sophia leapt from the bed, ducked for her clothes
and shimmied into her jeans, yanked on her
hoodie. Stuffed her underwear in her pocket.
Dont leave like this, he sighed again. Even after
shed cascaded like that, the air lovelorn, brooding
with uncertainty and all theyd left unsaid, he still
reached her hand. It felt real. It always did in the
moment. Caught in his crosswinds, goosebumps
prickling, hair knotted as she ran headfirst into the
stormfront. But as she remembered his fingers
locked with hers, one last blissful, forbidden
lightning strike, she relinquished to the truth
rushing down on her. This was all it ever was, all
itd ever be. Fleeting, roaring for a moment,
glimmering in the night like the rain on the
window she prised open before it evaporated with
the light of day. Sophia paused, one leg out the sill.
Turned to face Lincoln shaking his head from the
mattress. He didnt bother standing.
She shrugged, half-smiling, crying now. We both
knew where this was going.
Soph-
The window snapped shut behind her.
Then Sophia was at one with the trees, the
moonlight, the unrelenting downpour. Her shoes
filled with water as she ran, lungs screaming, for
her car. Dodged the porch light. Made it
undetected. Once again, shed never been here.
Head in her palms, she sat at the wheel, his hand
on her thigh glowing where shed inked it just
hours earlier. Her whole body rocked, ached with
the finality of it all as the sobs heaved, flooded out
of her. Grief swelled in her chest and stuck her hair
to her cheeks and she raged with the storm, white
hot across the deep purple sky, and, finally, as
though it was always meant to amount to this,
this nothing, she knew. That boy inside, now sound
asleep, or dreaming of Chloe, or laughing with his
mates amongst the litter in the lounge, wasnt
enough to be a storm. He didnt feel like this.
It was her. Always had been.
She was temporary, tempestuous. Fractured and
pleading and demanding to be heard before she
had to slink back into the horizon. But louder than
the rain yet to ease, and the gale yet to splutter
into a breeze, was the kookaburra, enduring. Still
laughing.